Guilt.

by Lesley on February 28, 2012 · 7 comments

in make-you-think

Sometimes I struggle with guilt.

It’s a nasty emotion that I imagine a lot of people also struggle with, but hate to admit.

These days I’m struggling with the guilt of needing so much. Needing help with Anna. Needing help making food. Needing help cleaning my house. Needing time alone.

I’m also feeling guilt over the things I’m not doing. Not making money. Not writing as much as I’d like. Not running consistently like I used to. Not pruning my rose bushes. Not calling people back.

I even feel guilt when I’m having a good day–which happens a lot actually. Someone will look at me with sad puppy dog eyes and ┬ásay, “How are you really doing?” and I say, “I’m actually doing really well today.” They look at me like they don’t believe me…like I’m lying or pretending to be strong. Their expression makes me believe I should feel a certain way but I’m feeling another way. And then, well, guilt.

What is wrong with me?

Do you ever struggle with guilt?

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7 comments
Kirsten
Kirsten

Hi Lesley, I realise this is an old post so you may not even see the comment, but man, thanks for sharing so openly on this subject. I struggle with it alot, in my marriage and parenting particularly. Like you, I feel incredible guilty if I need help in parenting, with the housework, cooking. Why does it come so easily to some women. In the my Church family too, I often think, why can't I serve and do as much and as well as ABC... but thankful that God is working in us to change that. I'm thankful that God can use that guilt to change us. Like the in parable of the tax collector. Hope you're having a good week. KE

Lesley
Lesley

Ladies! Your comments make me feel so LESS alone. I am encouraged by your willingness to share. Thank you. Also, I realized my question, "What is wrong with me?" is a line that all of the dismissed bachelorettes use when they're crying in the limo after Ben says bye bye. Clearly I am watching too much reality television.

Tamara Powell
Tamara Powell

Yes! I often feel guilt over the things I'm not doing -- not writing, not cleaning, not being efficient. And for Lent I'm trying to abstain from distractions and stay purposeful during my day, which has actually brought on more guilt. This post made me think that perhaps my choice to give up for distractions for Lent was motivated by a desire to change my behavior so I wouldn't feel guilt, which is ironic since it has had the opposite effect. So, since I want to give this season to God, I'm going to give us distractions AND guilt about falling into distractions. God can help me overcome both of these traps :) Thanks friend.

Laura Doyle
Laura Doyle

YES! And today I feel it very strong. Got a call from daycare at 10am that Ellie had a fever, so I packed up a productive day at work to go pick her up. Like most daycare infants, she gets sick, a lot, and every time she does I feel guilty that she gets sick so much because I work... so I should stay at home. Then I get home with a sick baby, and I feel guilt for not getting work done, and guilt for plopping E in front of the TV. (Although, I will admit that today is the first day I really let work go while I concentrated on the sick baby, and waited for husband to come home so I could start working at 5pm. woopie!) It really is the case that when I'm at work, I feel guilty for not being with E. (or when I bring E to daycare and then run errands and run into you at TJs!) and when I'm at home, I feel a nag to keep working. And I'm having tremendous guilt for contemplating a career change, bc who gets a PhD and doesn't 'use' it. I am too hard on myself, I have come to realize this recently, and that is the root of all my guilt. I'm learning to let go bit by bit.

Stacey
Stacey

You are definitely not alone in the guilt department, Lesley. Thank you for sharing so honestly about how you struggle with this, too. I sheepishly have to admit that I've believed you really do have everything so far past together, not to mention you look great, even in the midst of the chaos that has hit you guys lately, that I've wondered what in the world I'm doing wrong. I particularly struggle with guilt tied to what I believe a stay at home wife (not even a mom yet!) SHOULD be getting done each day, not to mention in all of the ways I don't feel I measure up to the standard others seem to hold on what life in the way of serving, church, friendship, work, and play should look like. Thankfully, God is daily teaching me about what HIS design is for me and for our little family and that my ultimate goal is to glorify Him even if people don't quite understand. I second what Christina said about you being a talented and "truly a remarkable woman, wife, mother and friend". She's absolutely right!

Christina
Christina

I struggle with guilt A LOT. I really identified with this post, and I bet a majority of your readers will too. It's an awful feeling, but as you noted one that is inevitable from time to time. I definitely struggle with trying to keep my own guilty feelings in balance, and I think a lot of it comes from the pressure I put on myself. Please just know that you are not alone. I know I don't know you personally, but I have fallen in love with your blog (you are such a talented writer) and from what I can tell you are truly a remarkable woman, wife, mother and friend. Always remember that, especially when the guilty factor kicks in!

June L
June L

I do struggle with guilt from time to time. I am not the super woman so many of my friends are or the bloggers who I follow. I am working on it. I also feel guilt from time to time from past mistakes. But Jesus forgave me and doesn't see me as the lame woman I see in the mirror sometimes so I take comfort in that. *hugs* I am praying for you.