Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,
Yesterday, I wore tights around my neck all day and it’s your fault. I know, I know…people almost died on the Hudson River so I shouldn’t be complaining about tights around my neck BUT if you even knew how much my neck itched without them then you’d have done the same thing. Which is why I’m writing. I want you to know that the Bitten sweater I bought in Boston last summer was a really, really bad choice. I thought that I couldn’t go wrong with a $5.99 sweater but I definitely went wrong. It fits funny and makes me look like a mountain girl- not really the look I’m trying to achieve as an almost 27 year old wannabe PR hotshot. But, worse than looking a little frumpy, I ITCH when I wear it. All day long I pull on that thick turtleneck that I thought would keep me warm. Instead, it just gives me hives.
Really, for $5.99, I shouldn’t have expected any differently. But, your Oprah appearance really had me convinced that your new clothing line would be trendy, good quality and comfortable. I suppose the $5.99 price should have tipped me off, but I trusted you. Now, unfortunately, I have to pass your sweater along to Salvation Army where some poor soul will think they’ve found the deal of a lifetime. Maybe I should include the tights in my donation, so that they too can wrap them around their neck in an attempt to stop the itchy fabric from rubbing on their neck.
Itchy in Sacramento