Thursday Thoughts: Create

by Lesley on January 5, 2012

in thursday thoughts

Introducing a new addition to this blog… Thursday Thoughts! I hope the quote I offer each week will encourage you, make you smile, or force you to stop in your tracks and look at the day a little bit differently.

“To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or your dancing shoes. Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel. Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done, or instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything. Pick up a needle and thread, and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it.” -Shauna Niequist

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Our Love Story: Part VI: Merciful Blessings

by Lesley on January 2, 2012

in marriage

This is the sixth and final installment of a series on how Jonathan and I met, fell in love, and got married. You can start the series by clicking here.)

Eight months after we were engaged, Jonathan and I officially tied the knot.  The months leading up to our wedding were full of typical distractions—dress hunting and cake sampling being the most fun of the bunch.

I lived in a little house overlooking the ocean with Lisa, Beall and Beth. Three of the four of us were engaged, so our house had a constant flow of bridal magazines and fiancées. Jonathan lived across town in a house full of rambunctious guys.

On August 14, 2005 I met him at the chapel for the second time. I still remember when the doors to the sanctuary opened, and our friends and family rose to greet my dad and I. The tears, oh the tears, as I walked that aisle. [click to continue…]

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What I will and won’t do

by Lesley on January 2, 2012

in goals

On New Year’s Eve I looked back on 2011 with mixed emotions. We went over to the Dobrinski’s house and drank champagne and ate Kara’s yummy butternut squash enchiladas. The babies sleep while we the guys watched the Kings game. The ball dropped at 9:00pm, PST, and because we’re all new parents we celebrated like it was midnight. By 11:30pm we were home on the couch to watch the ball drop again. Anna nursed while I thought back on the year. It was such a good year until October, and then, cancer.

On Facebook everyone was saying things like, “God riddance 2011!” or “Best year ever!” or “2012 is going to be amazing!” The “2012 is going to be amazing” posts were the hardest to read because, the realist in me felt like saying, “You never know. You never know what a year will hold.”

I just felt so confused–not only about how I would categorize 2011 but how I feel about this next year to come. I’ve never entered a new year knowing it would probably be very hard. What do I do with that knowledge and these emotions? 

Maybe I know more than I think I do. For most people, a year holds both good and bad: yummy meals and terrible meals; exciting vacations and quiet nights at home; new birth and also death; health and cancer; happy summer days followed by weeks where the clouds and bare trees seem like they will never give way to the hot days of summer again.

Last year I decided not to set any resolutions. I knew we’d be experiencing so much change that setting goals seemed silly. Since I’m not working in an office anymore, and since my roles this year will cater a lot to baby and husband, I need structure to make life feel like it doesn’t completely revolve around caregiving. I need to protect ME so that I can be there for THEM.

I’m not going to tell you all my goals, but I’ll tell you some. Like many years in the past I have used this document to help me reflect and plan. Here’s a summary of the outcome:

My words this year are MERCY and FLEXIBILITY. On hard days and good days, I will remember and reflect on these words and what they mean in my life.

This year I will…make it a priority to take care of Anna and Jonathan. To do this well, I will take care of myself by continuing my morning runs, and focusing on healing my post-baby body. (Hello-where are my abs?!)  I will completely rest on Sundays, and I will read my bible each morning before doing anything else. I will also commit to writing 30 minutes each weekday and reading a book each month because these things make me happy and also contribute to my long term goal of writing a book. I will also buy a sparkly mini skirt and celebrate my 30th birthday in style.

I will NOT: take on any new, large volunteer commitments through church or otherwise. Sharon is holding me accountable to this.

I will do less: obsessive cleaning and instead hire help if I need it. I will do less “shoulds” and instead do what’s necessary to keep my marriage strong and my baby growing and happy.

I will continue to cook and place an emphasis on making food that keep Jonathan, Anna and I full and healthy. This includes taking time to pre-make and freeze meals. I will continue to be involved in bible study and to make my Iron Well girls a priority because they are important to me.

Oh, sure…I have lots of other things I’d love to do this year like getting chickens, and learning photoshop, and gardening and re-landscaping our front yard, and installing baseboards and organizing closets and hosting pasta dinner parties and taking a writing retreat. Maybe some of those things will happen. Maybe they won’t. But, if I can take care of my family well, and take care of myself well, I think 2012 will be a success.

Do you set New Year’s resolutions? If so, share one! If not, why not?

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After a pretty horrible pre-Christmas week,  our vacation redeemed a lot of the feelings of tiredness and brokenness that we were feeling.

Sadly, there is not a photo of the fun fondue dinner party I hosted at my parents’ house. Sarah, Lauren and Katie all came and it was wonderful. I’ve known Sarah and Lauren since we were young and awkward, and I’ve known Katie since our freshman year at Westmont. We ate too much cheese and a lot of cookies. I wish I could do dinner parties with girlfriends every weekend.

I finally felt up to exercising by Christmas Eve day, so I took a spin class at my parent’s new gym. It kicked my butt, and I definitely ate extra sushi that night because I felt like I earned it. Yes, you read that correctly. Sushi. Huge, huge amounts of sushi at Christmas Eve dinner. I was happy to partake after 9 months without the stuff. Here is Anna and I with my grandpas, her great-grandpas:

The girl is plumping up so much that she doesn’t have wrists…it’s all baby fat! I, of course, am obsessed with her chunky thighs and cheeks. I can’t stop kissing them.

And then there was plenty of time with all Anna’s aunties and uncles. We spent Christmas day with both sides of the family–morning with the Sebeks, evening with the Millers. Somehow I missed a photo of her with Aunt Katie, but here is Auntie Allison and Aunt Sarah:

Funny, they kind of all look alike, huh? Sarah is my sister-in-law but the resemblance between all of us is striking, I think.

My mother-in-law always gives us pajamas as a Christmas gift. This year my PJs were leggings. I’d just like to comment that I have never, ever loved pajamas more than the leggings she gave me. Every person should wear leggings to bed. I wish I had 8 pairs. I have basically worn them for a week straight and never want to take them off. Go get some. Really.

Jonathan bought me the Adele album, a nativity set, an Etsy print, and the book Bittersweet. I’ve read Bittersweet before but didn’t have my own copy. I love that book, and it’s been so great to read it again this week next to our dying Christmas tree. I would like to suggest you buy a copy. I especially like the chapters called Alameda and 25.

All the Miller siblings and spouses saw Mission Impossible 4 together in IMAX. This girl NEVER gets popcorn and a soda but we splurged and got a huge tub, a huge Coke, and six candy boxes to split amongst us. The movie was a thrill and I left with a tummy ache. You wouldn’t guess so based on this photo:

The next day all of us drove to La Jolla for the day. It was about 75 degrees and gorgeous out. We strolled the beach, got Smashburger and cupcakes. The salt air was good for all of us. I’d like to comment that Jonathan still has his hair, and I think it looks particularly handsome in this photo. His hair is just starting to fall out which means it’s going to be buzzed here very soon. I will still think he’s incredibly attractive.

And then, before leaving So Cal on Wednesday, we squeezed in a visit with Erin, Mike and Jada who were visiting from Colorado. The last time we saw Erin and Mike was at Lori’s wedding last spring. All four of us shared a hotel room, and Erin and I had little baby bumps. Both of us were blessed with baby girls this year and they finally met. We walked around Balboa Island with our moms, while the guys got Starbucks and also caught up. Jada and Anna clearly had a connection. Next year we will force them to make cookies together just like our moms did to us years ago. Hopefully Lola Swanson and Addison Vogt can join. This was, clearly, the year of girl babies. We received eight baby girl announcements in 2011. Anna has lots of friends already and a few boyfriends too.

Today is New Years but it doesn’t really feel like it. No parade; no college games. We slept in (miracle!), stayed in jammies all day, never brushed our teeth, ate a huge breakfast, napped, and went for a walk (still in our jammies.) And now I’m drinking a little wine and blogging and writing resolutions. I’d say it’s a good start to a new year.

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Everything is going to be alright

by Lesley on December 29, 2011

in cancer

Jonathan was supposed to have his second chemo tomorrow but it got postponed a week because his white blood cell count is too low. This is a total bummer because: a) it means the finish line seems further. b) we were both mentally prepared for tomorrow- we even came back from vacation to get unpacked and ready. c) he’s at a high risk for infection right now so he can’t hang out with the baby much, and we have to avoid crowds this weekend. Movie nights at home, I guess? d) he has to give himself shots for the next five days, and for five days during EVERY cycle moving forward. And the shots can cause bone pain.

Everything isn’t totally the way we’d like for it to be right now, and I just need to say that publicly.

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