For me, learning how to fly with a baby started years ago when I was trapped between two screaming children on a cross country flight.

I could tell you then what I’d tell you now: wait until the baby is 18. Done! Best advice yet, right?

Yeah, yeah. I know. Not a realistic option these days. I swore to myself I’d never fly with young children…and then…we had a baby. The grandparents don’t live close, and friends are getting married, and yada yada yada. It’s inevitable. Anna is nine months old and she’s already been on six trips / twelve flights. For the most part, she’s been a very agreeable travel companion thanks to some planning, some scheming, some sweat, and (a few times) some onmyknees prayer.

Here’s what I’ve learned: 

Planning ahead

If you have a newborn who doesn’t suffer from a condition like colic, the first three months are probably the easiest time to travel. “Easiest” is a relative term, okay? Let’s not get our expectations too high here…you’re still traveling with a baby.

In the first three months, babies still sleep a lot. In my experience, the movement and jet sounds provide a lovely rush of white noise that keep them sleeping and generally happy. In the event they are not happy, milk almost always does the trick. Boom. Done.

After the first three months, planning to fly with baby starts long before you board the plane. If you have the luxury of planning your flight(s) around nap times, I’d recommend doing so. Once we had a flight that departed right at that time we usually put Anna to sleep for the night. She was already tired and fussy by the end of the day, and it took more coaxing (and some crying) before she fell asleep on my chest. Since then I’ve tried to book mid-day flights. I make sure she gets a good morning nap right before we depart for the airport. By the time we’ve made it onto the plane, she’s usually ready to sleep again and does so somewhat easily as we taxi for takeoff.

Additionally, I usually try to book an aisle seat near the back of the airplane. It seems like people don’t like the seats nearest to the bathrooms, which gives us a greater chance of scoring an open seat nearby. I also figure that if she’s crying in the middle of the plane, she disturbs more people than she might in the back. An aisle seat allows me to easily hop up if she’s fussy, and hang out (and bounce) near the restrooms.

What to bring

All airlines are different in terms of the documentation needed for babies. JetBlue has never asked me for Anna’s birth certificate. Southwest does every time. Prepare to bring a birth certificate. When I forgot, her Kaiser ID card also worked. (It has her birthdate on it, which is what seems to matter.)

One of my good friends, Jenny, has two young children and she’s flown cross country with them multiple times. Before I started flying with Anna I asked for advice. It’s been invaluable. She said to avoid bringing our heavy (and expensive) stroller. Who wants to worry about it getting lost or broken? Instead, we bring our Snap ‘n Go stroller frame and car seat. I always take both to the gate. Why? In the event the flight has extra seats, you may be able to bring the car seat on board for free. (More about that in a second.)

If you have a carrier such as an Ergo or Moby Wrap, I’d highly recommend bringing it on the plane for multiple reasons. If you’re traveling without a partner, which I’ve done several times, you’ll need your hands free in the security line. Additionally, once the baby gets a little older, and heavier, the carrier helps limit the baby’s movement on the plane.

As for your diaper bag? Keep it strategic, folks. You might consider using a backpack if your normal diaper bag isn’t big, or isn’t easy to carry. Pack just what you’d normally need on any given day plus a few distraction items such as baby’s favorite book, Cheerios, and a toy. Cheerios bought us a good 30 minutes on our most recent flight. If I’m traveling alone, I slip everything I need (wallet, phone, magazine, etc.) into that one bag which then stays at my feet rather than the overhead bin. (If you’re lucky enough to get baby to sleep, who wants to risk waking him/her to get up?)

What not to bring

Don’t be stupid and travel with your laptop. Just take it from me. The last time I travelled with my laptop it ended up in New York City, and someone else’s laptop ended up in Southern California with me because I was so distracted at security. Oops. Laptops are one more thing to take out, fold up, put back, and worry about.

Checking in

When you check-in, make sure to remind the attendant that you’re traveling with a lap infant. In the rare case your ticket does not include the baby, they can fix it there rather than discovering the error at security.

Additionally, ask if the flight is full. If not, put on your best doe eyed smile and ask if they’d consider giving you an extra seat for the baby. You’d be surprised–it’s worked for us whenever the flight has room. Then we’re able to take Anna’s car seat on and let her sleep in her seat rather than being held. Score!

Navigating security

Remember when you didn’t travel with kids, you’d scan ahead in line and make sure you were never behind people  traveling with kids? Yeah. Forget that strategy. Now, find the slowest moving people possible and follow them. The elderly, people in wheelchairs, and families are your best bet. They will buy you extra time without feeling guilty you’re holding up Mr. Businessman behind you.

So, here’s what else you need to do if you’re traveling alone. Before entering the line, strap baby on your body. Remember, I told you to also have your stroller. Make sure the stroller is empty. Once your IDs have been checked, let nothing distract you. It’s game time. Shoes off! Jacket off! You know the drill! Everything off but the baby! (And if TSA tells you to take off the baby, tell them they’re wrong. New rules let you keep baby on.) Fold up the stroller and put it on the conveyer belt too. Once you’ve gone through, you’ll need your hands swiped to make sure you’re not hiding a bomb with the baby. This part is annoying, but, honestly, it’s better than asking a stranger to hold your child while you fold up all your crap. (If you are traveling with a spouse or friend, I’d recommend carrying baby through rather than in the carrier.)

Once you’ve made it through security, go straight to the gate. Trust me. Once I stopped for a burger, and then arrived to the gate late only to be yelled at by a gate attendant. It was awful, and she was really in the wrong, but I learned my lesson. Go to the gate first, get tags for your stroller, then (if you have time) look for food and a bathroom.

Pre-flight

I try to avoid bringing a warm meal onto a flight if I’m traveling alone. It’s one more thing to juggle. The one time I did buy a burger I didn’t eat it until landing several hours later. Now I pack snacks or I eat right before boarding. I also make sure to visit the bathroom and change baby’s diaper even if it’s barely dirty. Airplane bathrooms are tight and smelly.

Once on board

I mentioned that I like to travel during nap times, and this means that as soon as I board the plane I start working on getting the baby to sleep.

When Anna was still a newborn I would wait until the plane was taxing for takeoff, and then I’d make her nurse. Nursing is said to help sensitive ear drums, and in our case, it usually would also make her drowsy. As she’s gotten older, and I’ve traveled more alone, I try to avoid feeding her on the plane. This is mostly because I feel awkward nursing when I’m sitting so close to a stranger, and the pressure does not seem to affect her ears.

As soon as my seat mates have arrived and buckled in, I sit down too. Here’s where I get sneaky. Federal regulations don’t allow mothers to wear their carriers during takeoff and landing. I have mixed feelings about this rule. Part of me feels like the airline peeps probably know best. Another part of me feels that, in the event of an emergency, I want my baby strapped on my body where I can hug her and kiss her and not see her flying down the aisle. Morbid, I know. I also know it’s much easier to get Anna to sleep (and to stay sleeping) if she’s in her carrier. So, I put the straps over my shoulders but I don’t latch the back. Then, I put a blanket over the entire carrier. My strategy serves a few purposes. First, everyone assumes I’m nursing, and no one asks to see if she’s strapped or not. This way I get to break the law and do what works best for us. I know, I know. Some of you think a rules a rule. Whatever. I figure, if an emergency happened and someone did need to grab her from me, the fact the carrier is unlatched will actually make it somewhat easy to do. Second, the blanket over us helps make a nice dark space for the baby to fall asleep. I do a little bouncing and shushing in my seat, and she’s out! Victory!

How long she stays sleeping is completely at the mercy of loud noises and seat neighbors needing to use the restroom. If she gets 30 minutes in, she’s often happy the rest of the flight.

What I’m still learning

I haven’t yet taken a flight since Anna started crawling. Our Colorado flight, a month ago, was a few hours long. It was the hardest flight yet because Anna is at a grabby, squirmy stage. It helped to have a kind grandmother type sitting next to us who wanted to play and hold. I’m still learning how to entertain Anna when we’re surrounded by people who aren’t as kind or helpful. I can only say–the early toddler years will require a lot of imagination and hard work to keep her entertained on flights. This brings me to my final point:

What do you find works? What have I forgotten? I’d also love to know about your ideas for traveling with toddlers. We’re going to Hawaii this summer when Anna is 13 months. I’m already gearing up. Please, do help!

Anna’s been trying out this cheesy grin the last few weeks. We’ve been trying to figure out where she got it from…

Figured it out!

{Thanks Kelli Jane Photography!}

After a pretty horrible pre-Christmas week,  our vacation redeemed a lot of the feelings of tiredness and brokenness that we were feeling.

Sadly, there is not a photo of the fun fondue dinner party I hosted at my parents’ house. Sarah, Lauren and Katie all came and it was wonderful. I’ve known Sarah and Lauren since we were young and awkward, and I’ve known Katie since our freshman year at Westmont. We ate too much cheese and a lot of cookies. I wish I could do dinner parties with girlfriends every weekend.

I finally felt up to exercising by Christmas Eve day, so I took a spin class at my parent’s new gym. It kicked my butt, and I definitely ate extra sushi that night because I felt like I earned it. Yes, you read that correctly. Sushi. Huge, huge amounts of sushi at Christmas Eve dinner. I was happy to partake after 9 months without the stuff. Here is Anna and I with my grandpas, her great-grandpas:

The girl is plumping up so much that she doesn’t have wrists…it’s all baby fat! I, of course, am obsessed with her chunky thighs and cheeks. I can’t stop kissing them.

And then there was plenty of time with all Anna’s aunties and uncles. We spent Christmas day with both sides of the family–morning with the Sebeks, evening with the Millers. Somehow I missed a photo of her with Aunt Katie, but here is Auntie Allison and Aunt Sarah:

Funny, they kind of all look alike, huh? Sarah is my sister-in-law but the resemblance between all of us is striking, I think.

My mother-in-law always gives us pajamas as a Christmas gift. This year my PJs were leggings. I’d just like to comment that I have never, ever loved pajamas more than the leggings she gave me. Every person should wear leggings to bed. I wish I had 8 pairs. I have basically worn them for a week straight and never want to take them off. Go get some. Really.

Jonathan bought me the Adele album, a nativity set, an Etsy print, and the book Bittersweet. I’ve read Bittersweet before but didn’t have my own copy. I love that book, and it’s been so great to read it again this week next to our dying Christmas tree. I would like to suggest you buy a copy. I especially like the chapters called Alameda and 25.

All the Miller siblings and spouses saw Mission Impossible 4 together in IMAX. This girl NEVER gets popcorn and a soda but we splurged and got a huge tub, a huge Coke, and six candy boxes to split amongst us. The movie was a thrill and I left with a tummy ache. You wouldn’t guess so based on this photo:

The next day all of us drove to La Jolla for the day. It was about 75 degrees and gorgeous out. We strolled the beach, got Smashburger and cupcakes. The salt air was good for all of us. I’d like to comment that Jonathan still has his hair, and I think it looks particularly handsome in this photo. His hair is just starting to fall out which means it’s going to be buzzed here very soon. I will still think he’s incredibly attractive.

And then, before leaving So Cal on Wednesday, we squeezed in a visit with Erin, Mike and Jada who were visiting from Colorado. The last time we saw Erin and Mike was at Lori’s wedding last spring. All four of us shared a hotel room, and Erin and I had little baby bumps. Both of us were blessed with baby girls this year and they finally met. We walked around Balboa Island with our moms, while the guys got Starbucks and also caught up. Jada and Anna clearly had a connection. Next year we will force them to make cookies together just like our moms did to us years ago. Hopefully Lola Swanson and Addison Vogt can join. This was, clearly, the year of girl babies. We received eight baby girl announcements in 2011. Anna has lots of friends already and a few boyfriends too.

Today is New Years but it doesn’t really feel like it. No parade; no college games. We slept in (miracle!), stayed in jammies all day, never brushed our teeth, ate a huge breakfast, napped, and went for a walk (still in our jammies.) And now I’m drinking a little wine and blogging and writing resolutions. I’d say it’s a good start to a new year.

Let me tell you about a beautiful moment that happened spontaneously last September, on a hot and normal weekend night.

Jonathan and I had made a huge dinner–way more than we needed. We set the table much nicer than we normally do, and popped open a bottle of wine for no reason. Then, Sharon called.

“Can we stop by right now and drop something off,” she asked?

“Why don’t you just stay for dinner,” I replied. “We have more than enough.”

When they showed up minutes later, her hands were empty but her smile was huge.

As we stood in our small kitchen, anticipating dinner, she burst out the news. She was newly pregnant, and had come over to let us in on the big secret.

She cried when she told me, and so did I, although the boys couldn’t tell because we were jumping and hugging at the same time.

A few nights ago I cried again as I met their Eden, wide eyed and alert in her daddy’s arms. She looked wiser than a 12 hour baby normally does. Her mama wore the same wide smile that I recognized from her wedding day, another time when she couldn’t stop beaming.

There are moments in life that stand out to me as sacred. These moments are sometimes big events- weddings, births, deaths. Sometimes they are simple evenings shared around a kitchen table.

Meeting Eden was a reminder that there are many more sacred moments to come for us as mothers. But even better, there will be moments, memories, created between our daughters as they grow. I can’t wait for them to discover each other for the first time- when they are both active and alert enough to reach for each other’s chubby little hands and share Cheerios. I can’t wait to see them both bundled up in tiny hats, inside their jogging strollers, while Sharon and I attempt to lose baby weight. I can’t wait to see them with little tutus on preparing for their first ballet class. All of these moments will teach them the meaning of friendship. And I simply can’t wait.

Somehow, someway, we pulled a fast one on Jonathan’s brother. Uncle Matt arrived on Friday night from Santa Barbara to help Jonathan tackle the nursery.

Guess who is the happiest wife on the planet right now?

The guys worked allllll weekend. They moved out boxes, scrubbed the walls, painted them a cheery yellow, and then installed baseboards (!!)

I sorta helped.

Ok, I didn’t help at all. I started my own nesting process by organizing the office, unpacking more boxes and cleaning. This process will likely repeat itself for the next 8 weeks, becoming more and more neurotic as the days pass.

I didn’t work as hard but I might have been twice as exhausted.

I also squeezed in a Sunday trip to San Francisco to hang out with Allison and my parents, who were visiting. I treated myself to an ice cream sandwich at Bi-Rite, book shopping at the thrift store, and quality time with the people I love. It was a gorgeous day in the city. I came home really tired but it was totally worth it.

We sent Matt back to Santa Barbara with sore arms, a somewhat full stomach (love Ettore’s!) and hopefully a sense of satisfaction at a job well done. His baby niece is quite pleased with his work, and so am I.

(You didn’t think I’d post after pictures yet, did you? Nah. I’m creating suspense until July when everything is done. If I have to wait on a baby, you all have to wait on nursery pictures. So there!)

These days, people love me.  I suppose I should soak up the attention, since from what I’ve been told, no one will care about me after the baby comes.

I had my first stranger rub my belly on Friday night. She was a sweet, older lady who said only one word: “Baby?”

“Yup,” I said with a half smile, trying to resist the urge to touch her tummy back.

It’s an odd thing to have strangers suddenly care about your body. Men, to me, are the most awkward. “Congratulations!” yelled one as he passed on his cruiser bike. Another sat down next to me at the hospital and wanted to know all about the baby’s due date, and if I was excited, and I how I felt. This man boy had braces on his teeth. He was practically a teen but I still asked him if he had kids, just to make him feel a little awkward. Surely there must be a reason he took so much interest in me? Nope. He just wanted to chat about my tummy.

Everyone wants to know… “How far along?” (“27 weeks!) “Boy or girl?” (“Baby girl. I win!”) “Do you have a name yet?” (Nope! And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you!”) “Have you started work on the nursery?” (“Nope, again! It’s one of about 8 million projects on the to-do list, and I’m trying not to stress about it.”)

For a while, people kept saying things like, “You are so tiny! Where is the baby?” but overnight they have started to say things like, “You are BIG! Wow!” or “You are REALLY showing.” (With emphasis on the word REALLY). To these things, I’m not sure how to respond. “Thank you?” I say tentatively. I want to tell them that no woman, pregnant or not, wants to be told she looks big, or large, or huge, or any other word like that. At least, I don’t.

Yesterday, on the way home from the women’s retreat,  a lady came up to me in a bakery and said, “Excuse me, I just have to know. How far along are you?” After I responded she said, “Oh, wow. You’re just so cute, and tiny and compact.” I almost hugged her.

Compact. Suddenly, I like that word.

I’m going to admit something publicly that I’d rather keep to myself. It’s hard watching my body suddenly change. It’s hard having everyone comment on how I look, even though I know they mean well. It’s hard to listen to people tell me I should eat more (“You’re eating for two!”) when all the advice from doctors and pregnancy books says I should be soooo careful not to gain too much weight or consume too much sugar.

My changing body, combined with so much discussion from everyone, has led to a new obsession with my bathroom mirror. I find myself staring at it more than I ever have before. Sometimes I’m just watching my tummy to see if I can catch it moving in the reflection. But many times I am looking at her, at me, with scrutiny. There is no right size, but everyone seems to imply there is.

I hesitate to post this, because I’m afraid everyone who knows me, and sees me frequently, will be afraid to comment on my growing belly. That is not my intention. I know a growing belly, a growing body, is part of this great miracle. I would hate to make people feel nervous around me; as if they can’t say anything or I’ll get upset. I won’t. I promise. I know this is my own issue.

For a brief moment though, I just needed to be heard.

Am I making any sense at all?

The photo above is not me, although Jonathan thought it was. It’s an image from Flickr, and photo credit goes to mahalie.

I just had to share pictures of a few special babes. They belong to my college girlfriends, and all of them were born within 23 days of each other. In October I was able to see their beautiful moms in Palm Springs during our annual trip. All of them were round and glowing in anticipation of their second babies to arrive. It’s amazing how much can happen in six months. There was a lot of feeding, burping, spitting up and sleeping last weekend between these three little ones, but not a whole lot of crying. They are all good babies… I think because they have incredible mamas.

From top to bottom: Addison Grace; Stone Hezekiah, Lola Mae

Bad news people. I’ve become one of those girls who has (already) jumped on the latest baby trend. We hosted a gender reveal party last weekend in conjunction with our big kitchen reveal. First, the kitchen…. Ta DA!

Our kitchen was finished last Thursday, and we were really anxious to have friends over to see it. We also had our 20 week ultrasound on Thursday which is when they can determine a gender. I’d heard of this new trend where people are having gender reveal parties. Basically, the couple has their doctor put the gender info in an envelope rather than reveal the sex during their appointment. The envelope goes straight to a baker, who makes a cake with blue or pink insides. Friends gather, the cake gets cut, and everyone finds out the sex together.

{Right now you’re either thinking I’m really odd or really awesome…}

I never thought I’d do such a thing, but as the appointment drew closer, a party sounded really fun. I mean, why share the moment with a stranger in a dark room when you can EAT CAKE and be with friends and family? I love cake! And I love parties! So, we invited some people over to see the kitchen and let the surprise go down.

I can’t believe how much fun I had. I really thought it could end up being awkward, or not as exciting as I hoped it would be. But, I was wrong!  I got pink and blue drinks and baby cake plates. We set out a picture of the ultrasound so people could see the little 10 oz gem, and we made our guests guess the gender.  Then we got my parents on video chat to watch us dive into the cake. (Jonathan’s parents were in town and present, which was very fun!) As soon as Jonathan made the first slice, my little heart started to flutter! Pink!  Everyone was excited but I think Sharon screamed the loudest because she’s having a baby girl in May. Four week old Louie, our daughters’ other future playmate, was not as ecstatic. He slept through the entire announcement. I think he’s already playing hard to get.

The funny thing is, as much as I wanted a girl, I really thought it was a boy. It took a good 24 hours to start picturing baby girl. It’s becoming easier now. I’ve started to let myself think about names, and hair bows, and cute Easter dresses.

Jonathan is still thinking about Little League…but we have 20 weeks for him to get used to the idea so that’s okay.

I owe this little blog a few more pictures of the new kitchen, but that will have to wait for another night. I’m trying to be better about going to sleep at a decent hour because Baby Girl needs her rest. ‘Night!

There’s something I didn’t mention in my last post about friendship. Those pregnant girls I referred to? Well, I’m one of them.

I’ve been holding our little secret safe from the web since November. A part of me wanted to tell the whole world immediately because it seemed like too big of news to hold in. But, another part of me wanted to protect this little secret as long as possible…to hold it sacred between just Jonathan and I. With this secret came a lot of happiness, some fear, some sadness. There were days in the beginning when I didn’t recognize my own emotions, and I found comfort in not yet having to answer how I felt about such a huge change in our lives. We sat  in the quiet moment and soaked in the miracle of it all. I processed long and hard. I worried lots. I googled signs and symptoms, and searched for excuses as to why I wasn’t drinking alcohol. December was a long month full of transition and, inevitably, a lot of eating.

And now we are almost done with January. Last week my still-skinny-tummy got covered in goo just like I’ve seen so many times in the movies. We watched the little one dance around on a screen, proving this change is most certainly happening. It’s beginning to feel real now even though I look the same physically. The months will fly by until late July arrives and we bring home baby to a place with freshly painted walls, new ceiling fans, and a kitchen ready for visiting guests who want to cook, hold and cuddle.

Until then, I’m pretty sure we have just about every weekend booked with trips, unpacking, visitors, weddings, baby showers, birthday parties and church retreats. I plan to soak up this busy season and write all about it. Thanks for being part of our next big thing.

p.s. I took the above picture with my iPhone after opening a very appropriate fortune cookie just a few days after we found out about baby. Funny, right?

A few weekends ago I went to the mall and left with two diamond bras from Frederick’s of Hollywood, and three baby outfits from Janie and Jack. I felt a little silly exiting with my ‘naughty and nice’ gifts- red bag in one hand, pink and green bag in the other. A week later, some of those gifts got presented during a Bachelorette/Baby  shower weekend in Sacramento. Here’s the scene: 1 house, 2 nights, 13 girls, 3 infants, a four year old, 2 soon-to-be brides, 3 pregnant girls, and a lot of food (naturally). It sounds like the makings of a reality TV show although we lacked the drama necessary for it to be good reality TV because these girls actually get along…cuddle each others babies, rub each others tummies and cry the good tears.

Lisa just started reading Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It was a favorite book of mine last year, so I flipped to the chapter called Alameda and I made her read it, out loud, while several of us laid on the bed and stared out at the citrus trees and foggy air. I knew the girls would love the chapter because it talks about friendship, motherhood, California. Like Shauna, we all met at Westmont College. I’d loved these girls in our dorm rooms, in hotel rooms across Europe, in a rickety house on Loma Media that looked out over the ocean. When Lisa got to the end of the chapter, the part where it talks about how friendships are worth the investment of time and distance, she choked up. We all did. I thought about the women in the room, the women in my bible study, my Iron Well girls. My life is incredibly rich because of relationships that span years of memories, tough conversations, honest advice, goofy jokes. What did I ever do to deserve such a rich blessing?

I like Shauna’s reminder at the end of her chapter– deep, true, life giving friendships aren’t always easy to come by. If you need a few days under the orange trees, where conversation keeps flowing, food keeps arriving, tears and laughter intermingle, tough questions are worked though– then get a date on the calendar. Save the time and money necessary to see the people you love. In the meantime, send a bag of granola in the mail or a used book, or maybe just a card. Text them for no reason. Email a silly picture from your past. Pray for them and their little ones in the shower. And when you do finally reunite, give thanks to God for creating life giving relationships that offer us a peak at eternity to come.