Waiting for Baby

by Lesley on May 6, 2013 · 8 comments

in motherhood

I haven’t blogged much about this second baby of ours…so I thought it was about time to get some of my rambling thoughts down before he’s here in our arms!

In ten short weeks, give or take, I will become mama again to another sweet baby. He’s already captured my heart and bruised my ribs, the first being big enough to cover the second.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how this pregnancy is so different than my first.

There are physical differences of course—like carrying bigger because all my muscles are already stretched out and feeling more nausea during the first trimester than I did with Anna. As my body grows and changes I constantly find myself saying, “Ohhhh, I remember this!” or “Hmmm…don’t think THIS happened with Anna.”

But the main difference this time around is less what I’m noticing physically and more the state of my heart and mind.

Before Anna arrived, anxiety outweighed love and the unknown distracted us from the present. I’m calmer, happier and more excited in these fleeting last weeks than I was with her.

Mostly I am just grateful to be pregnant again, even on the days I feel big and uncomfortable, because I think back to that October day in 2011 when he told me it was cancer, and I wondered if she’d be my only one.

I am so thankful she will be a big sister to a little boy who came from a man that fought so hard to continue being a daddy.

During Anna’s pregnancy we moved, tackled a kitchen remodel, attended showers and conquered lots of nursery prep. Jonathan and I agonized over car seat choices, read parenting books and took birthing classes. There was so much to do! For this baby? Until just a few weeks ago all I’d done was show up for monthly midwife appointments. I don’t need all those books, showers and nursery plans to feel ready.

This is not to say I don’t have some hesitations about becoming the mama of two—I know life is about to get even busier—but I welcome the challenge knowing it arrives with enough love to cover hard days.

…I am no longer afraid when people say, “Just wait until…” (We survived cancer during Anna’s first year of life. Can adding a second baby to our lives really be worse than that?)

…I’m no longer nervous about how labor and delivery will go. (He’ll come out eventually!)…

…And, I’m no longer anxious about which sleep technique will or won’t work. (We’ll be tired, this is true, but it’s not going to kill us.)

This time around, I’m enjoying the simple things more.  Instead of being distracted by a kitchen remodel and nursery plans, I’m taking time to find him a sweet and soft going home outfit. (Anna wore a $4 Walmart onesie because I was trying to be low-key and practical. Isn’t that kind of funny?) I also just bought a navy chevron stroller blanket and some of my favorite burp cloths, which are already washed and put away in his drawer. These little purchases might seem like very normal things to do in welcoming a baby, but I didn’t appreciate this ritual of preparation during my first pregnancy like I am now.

The midwife I’m seeing doesn’t think there’s any reason to believe this baby will come early like Anna did. But I plan to be prepared for his arrival even before the due date, just in case. As my organizing instincts kick-in—and oh they are!— I will keep focusing on the love I have for him… a love that comes from my love for his daddy, my love for his sister, and my love from our heavenly God.

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