Comments on: How much is too much? A post on entertaining children.

By: Laura Bennet

Laura Bennet — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 04:29:39 +0000

Well, I’ve raised four grown kids and am on my second set of three, plus I have five grand kids so my take is kids learn best when they can explore the world around them. That happens mostly at home or with you at the park, on a walk, at the beach (you get the idea). I don’t believe they need classes or sessions or teams until they are 7 or 8 years old, and then, I think unless we limit those classes, etc. we risk burning them out by the time they’re a teen. Sometimes it’s tough because there are so many great activities, arts, and lessons to experience, but everything in moderation is a great rule for just about every area of life – even for kids. Often my youngest kids (9 & 12) come home after school and want to go to a friends, go to play, go have a sleepover, go to a sporting event in addition to their regular (limited) activities (we allow them to each play one sport at a time and occasionally they will have a second part-time activity). I’m not always popular when I say “no,” but I look at the frantic lives of some of their friends and parents and wonder how (and why) they run to lesson after lesson, sports, play dates, sleepovers and parties…. it exhausts me just thinking about it. The best time you can spend with your daughter is your interaction and creating a place for her to explore with toys, books, games, puzzles and everyday items. Take her everywhere feasible with you and tell her all about it. She will learn the most from you, her parents.

By: bob

bob — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 22:51:02 +0000

Lesley, not to move the conversation off what is a really interesting discussion about kids and activities but I had to chuckle and quickly respond to your comment about appreciating the “wise” (my word) comments of us seasoned dads because you thought your generation can sometimes believe you have the new and best way of doing things. Guess what? It’s not just your generation that thinks that when it comes to raising kids. I bet it’s every generation. Or at least it was my generation too. I can remember pretty clearly that I thought my wife and I had read enough and were conscientious enough that what we knew about child raising had to be the way it was. And our own parents’ ways, if different than ours, were “outdated”, wrong (ouch), or…(you fill in the blanks). Only with more years of experience did I realize that we didn’t know as much as I thought we did and that our parents knew more than I thought they did. The truth was way more in the middle. But, that being said, (and this is no revelation), I do think that parents (not their parents) get the say about how to raise their own children. If you think something’s right, and you’ve given it thought, God has entrusted this child and his or her needs to his or her parents, and they’re the ones to make the call. And I think the sharing and conversations on your blog are a great facilitator to help those parents make those good choices.
And, now, back to the conversations that go directly to your post!

By: Ashlee

Ashlee — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 20:38:24 +0000

Everett’s only activity right now is baby yoga, which is more for me than him (let’s be honest). I really have nothing to contribute to this post other than to ask: how does one get an invite to the music class? I WANT IN ON THAT.

By: Lesley

Lesley — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 19:33:26 +0000

Love, love, loving all the comments! I’m glad so many people brought up swim lessons. I did lessons with Anna in August, and we both enjoyed them so much. I’ve thought about doing a mid-winter class just to continue keeping her comfortable. That’s one class/sport that’s not only a hobby, but a necessity (in my opinion) for obvious safety reasons.

I love what Anna brought up about kid/parents being extroverts vs introverts. As an introvert, I sometimes tend to hide at home because I have my routines and feel comfortable here. But, if I was an extrovert, classes and such might be a lot more appealing.

And Lauren, your sentiments on Kindermusik are refreshing to hear. I have never had a musical bone in my body so I waver back and forth between whether it’s something that needs to be cultivated young or not. I am probably more attracted to occasional/monthly at-home parties or get togethers than a class purely because of the price!

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:37:34 +0000

Love all these comments – so fun to read what other parents are doing/have done.

I definitely agree that being over scheduled – for a or an adult – is stressful, and when we’re over scheduled (at our house) we aren’t our best selves. However, I do love and appreciate the activities and classes we do participate in. Mason and I regularly hit up a Wiggly Storytime or Toddler Music class at the library. Both Mason and I are extroverts, so as much as we have fun at home together, being out and about and doing something is energizing for both of us. However, the only regularly weekly class commitment we have is swimming class. I could write a whole blog post on how much I LOVE baby swimming class… maybe I will.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: If everyone is having fun, keep doing what you’re doing. If you aren’t having fun, stop. Going to Wiggly Storytime on a weekly basis isn’t getting anyone into Harvard. It’s supposed to be a good time for the parent and the child- if it’s not, do something that is .

By: Lauren

Lauren — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:47:37 +0000

Hi Lesley–I can only share what I’m planning for my kids and what I observed from years of nannying. For one thing, I think kids are scheduled because we live in a scheduled culture and many of us (esp. working moms) have to schedule in good things to make sure they happen. Few would disagree that structure and consistency is good for kids. But there can certainly be too much. I think that varies by family.

When I was growing up, I was allowed 2 extracurriculars: one artistic and one athletics. Piano lessons were once a week from 8-18. Gymnastics was the serious time suck, eventually coming to 4 hour practices 4-5 times/week. I don’t remember anything beyond summer swimming as a toddler either. However, when I was nannying I often took my little pal to Kindermusik classes. I saw her fall in love with music, something that her parents have been able to cultivate because of her early interest (not so for her little brother, who thought that it was cooler to throw the little instruments than play them–he is now in teeball). I think the classes are sweet, developmentally appropriate, enjoyable, and completely overpriced. There’s a lot of it that you could do at home with a little up front purchasing/creativity with what makes a musical instrument. It would be pretty fun to get a few moms together to have an at-home “music” class every now and again (you can buy Kindermusik CDs for help!) and then hang out (with wine).

By: Joelle

Joelle — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:28:05 +0000

Now that I live in a city where I have the option of various classes for my children, this has become a struggle for me as well. We take full advantage of the free storytimes offered at our library and I take them to the pool as a treat every few weeks – partly for something different, partly so they get used to the water and partly so they get wiped out (especially with winter on its way). The thing I have noticed the most, however, is that as much as my kids like activities (of whatever kind) they LOVE the days we stay home and be us. Whether it is playing play-doh, reading books, building a train track or kicking a ball around in the basement, my boys love spending time with me. Those are the days they are the happiest and, coincidentally, I usually am the happiest as well.
I grew up being allowed to participate in one activity a week; I think a similar rule will be implemented in our house. I do my children no favours by over-programming and over-stimulating them. I agree with previous commenters in that family responsibilities are important – and so is feeling like you have worth in your family. My husband and I are not willing to trade the brief time we have with our kids for the slim chance one of them might be the next hockey wonder. We want them to feel loved and be loved, to feel like part of our family and to be part of our family. They will succeed in life because they will know their value, not because of the classes I put them in when they were 2.
I also think that sometimes classes are used as a crutch – parents not knowing what to do with their kids or how to connect with them – so they enrol them in a program and transfer the responsibility of engaging their children to a “professional”. As a parent, you are just as qualified to engage your children as the professional you are paying. You know your child the best and it is your attention your child craves. So give them your FULL attention and be prepared to be blown away as you discover the person your child is.

By: kelsey

kelsey — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:12:30 +0000

Great post! I think about this a lot, and Rooney is only 7 months old. When I grew up, like you, I took swimming lessons every summer, T-ball and also dance classes. I loved them all!

I would like to sign Roo up for a swimming class at the YMCA this winter, but it starts at 6 p.m. and she is usually wanting to go to bed by then. The reason I would do it is so that we can have something fun to do together once a week in the evening rather than sit at home, especially with cold weather coming, and because I work full-time so the evening is our only time together.

Are young children these days too scheduled? I think most of them are, yes.

Do they need expensive classes to succeed as an adult? Definitely not, but research has shown that the best football players took ballet classes and that music classes do have a positive effect on brain function and learning.

Do you use classes as a way to give yourself a break over anything else? I think parents do it partly for a break and partly to let the kids blow off energy.

Interesting stuff!

By: Lesley

Lesley — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 04:39:49 +0000

I am LOVING these comments so far. Tim and Bob- it’s so refreshing to hear from seasoned dads! I feel like I don’t ever get to hear from seasoned dads other than my own, and it’s wonderful to see how much you are involved in your children’s lives. I appreciate your advice a lot because I think my generation can sometimes believe we have the new and best way of doing things.

Michelle, love your thoughts too. You may not be a mom (yet) but you can bet I have tucked your observations to a little space in my mind and heart. I remember noticing similar things in China, but it’s been so many years since we were there. Thank you for your thoughts!

By: Bob Kane

Bob Kane — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 02:53:25 +0000

Lesley, hi, you’ve got two excellent comments already from Tim and Michelle. We raised four children (with numbers three and four being twins) so it was always busy. I strongly agree with what I think Tim is saying in his first paragraph–play experiences with friends is really important and scheduled classes not as important. And what Michelle says is excellent–family responsibilities (age appropriate, of course . They can give kids a great sense of self-worth and great family bonding can occur. I too will be interested in the Monday posts–our five month old grand daughter and her family now live very near us so my daughter and son in law will be immersed with her in the things you’ll discuss. It will be fun to hear your comments and see what we all learn or can contribute to the conversation!