It’s 12:08 AM and I should be sleeping. But I’m not. Instead, I’ve been surfing Facebook for an hour while half watching Religiosity. Have you heard of the film? It basically mocks all religions in a cut-and-paste Michael Moore style. I was hoping to watch the movie and gain all sorts of deep insights, or make a thoughtful response. Instead, I just got annoyed and stopped watching.
Seven steps to great shoes
Really, my deeper thoughts tonight are about my feet. Yeah. You heard me. MY FEET. ALL SIZE 11 OF THEM.
We went to Nordstrom earlier this evening. I’ve been saving a gift card that my grandparents gave Jonathan and I for Christmas. Since then we have looked forward to our Nordstrom shopping date, where he and I both planned to purchase a new pair of shoes.
Yet somehow, every time I go into Nordstrom for shoes, I forget about all of the horrific experiences that I’ve endured there since 7th grade, when I shot up like a Redwood Tree. It’s not until I’m actually in the store that I realize, I don’t really like shoe shopping one bit. In fact, I hate it.
That being said, I’ve developed a strategy for purchasing great shoes. Today, I’ll share the tricks:
Step 1: Walk through shoe section at a brisk pace, scanning quickly.
Step 2: Spend a longer time lingering in the few sections that catch my eye.
Step 3: Casually lift up each promising shoe and check the price tag.
Step 4: Approach sales person with angelic smile, and say, “I’m really sorry but I have HUGE feet and it’s going to be difficult to find a shoe in my size, but here are the four options I’ve narrowed down.
Step 5: Wait nervously on black leather chairs.
Step 6: Pretend to be excited by all of the shoe options the sales guy brings out, none of which match the shoes I asked to try on originally.
Step 7: Tell the salesperson that I’m used to being the pathetic girl with big feet, and that I’d rather not get anything today. (This is usually proceeded by him/her saying, “They don’t look that big” or “Our big feet shoe event is tomorrow. Come back!”)
Step 8: Go home and cry.
Okay, that last step is rather dramatic and not true. I go home to Target.com and Payless.com. There I find imitation Nordstrom shoes, for much less money and in my size.
Gladiator sandals here I come. Gold, or brown?