Stuck.

by Lesley on March 22, 2009 · 4 comments

in growing up


Do you ever feel stuck?  Do you ever look around and feel like everyone is growing up, or moving on, without you?

I’ve felt like that recently. I think it has to do with the fact that we are in a holding pattern as we wait to see where Jonathan finds a job. A lot hinders on this very big decision. It will determine our “timeline.” Many people ask us weekly what our our “timeline” looks like these days. They say, “What’s your timeline for having a baby? What’s your timeline for how long you’ll be in Sacramento? What’s your timeline for how long you’ll stay at your job?”
I don’t know the next step of our timeline. All I know is that I want a dog. And in order to have a dog, I need a house. And in order to have a house, we need a job. 
I’m chilling out at Starbucks right now. I have a free 7 day T-Mobile card that let’s me use internet without paying. Nice. To celebrate, I purchased a Venti Iced Chai. Not a Tall. Not a Grande. A VENTI! I’ve never, ever purchased a Venti. I don’t think I will ever again. It’s too big and too sweet and I can’t get up to use the bathroom because I’m afraid someone will steal my computer. 
I’ve spent the last hour or so organizing my computer. I’ve been meaning to do this since I got my new Mac, and today was the day. In the process, I found a lot of old pictures and documents that I didn’t realize had transfered from college. And you know what? I’ve grown up a lot! I shouldn’t be surprised at this discovery, after all it’s been 9 years since I started at Westmont, yet I’m still amazed at how far I’ve come.
In the middle of all these normal, average days– when I get up and put on the same clothes, and eat my cereal, and ride my bike, and put in my 40 hours– I’ve been growing up.
Timelines don’t always go as planned. And, they certainly aren’t as easy or glamorous as I thought they’d be in my head. Such is life. It’s the lovely, everyday ins and outs that make us who we are. I’m not as stuck as I think I am.
(p.s. the picture above is Winter Formal, 2001. Jonathan kissed me for the first time that night. In this shot, he’s attempting to feed me a stick of butter. I’m not really sure why he was trying to do such a thing, but I obviously found it somewhat amusing.)
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