Dear Meter Maid in a Prius,
Okay, really? REALLY?!? A Prius? I’ll be upfront with you. I’m bitter. Last week you handed me two hefty fines which although entirely my own fault, I will still blame on you because if you didn’t exist I wouldn’t have gotten them. (Don’t question that logic. Quiet. It’s my turn to spare no mercy.) Here’s what I think of you:
First of all, get a bike. I don’t want to see you mocking me in your new Prius. A bike is just as eco-friendly and it won’t make me so angry. My $75 dollars are funding your little toy. MY HARD EARNED $75 that could buy me a ski ticket, groceries for the week or one measly scarf from J. Crew.
Second, I just want you to know that I see you from my office window and I’ve decided your helmet is really ugly. So ugly that I actually almost feltl bad for you that you’ve been forced to wear a helmet all day until I realized that you got a new Prius this week and you don’t have to wear the helmet anymore.
Third, I think you need to know that I’ve noticed you take extra long lunch breaks which I’m simply not okay with. Not that I want you to be out patrolling the streets anymore than you already do– because that might mean more tickets for innocent folks like me– really I’m just bitter that all you do is drive that dumb Prius around and check meters and then write illegibly on a pad of paper. And you think you deserve a long lunch break for that? No way.
So, Meter Maid, I do hope you’ll consider the polite requests of a girl adjusting to urban life. And remember– I’m watching you.