Barefooton45th

Does your family have a bucket list?

by Lesley on May 15, 2013 · 15 comments

One summer, when I was maybe 10 or 11, my parents rented a 15 passenger van and took us on a road trip around the western United States. We had such a ~~good~~ ~~loud~~ ~~whiny~~ fun time that a few years later they rented an RV and took us everywhere in the west we hadn’t seen during the first trip. I remember long days spent staring at painted deserts, grassy plains, towering Colorado Rockies, and rainy northwest skies.

Years ago Jonathan and I made a travel bucket list on the backside of a paper plate, which I promptly lost. We haven’t officially made another once since, but as I watch Anna grow I can’t help but make a mental list of all the things I hope we can do as a family before she turns 18. I’d love to take our kids to all my favorite spots like the Havasupi Indian Reservation at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, the Denver metro area to see our Westmont friends, Seattle to see where Jonathan grew up, and camping along the Southern California coast. Oh, and a southern road trip through Birmingham, Nashville, Montgomery and New Orleans is also a must!

If you’re anything like me, I think you’ll be really excited about a new e-book called Family Bucket Lists by Lara Krupicka. Her book debuted earlier this week and contains 42 pages of content to help families:

•   dream together of what they want to do before the children are grown.
•   set off on adventures, big and small, together and individually.
•   enliven weekends and vacations with plans that match what they want most from life.
•   discover new things about one another as each person unearths and shares their dreams and aspirations.
•   find simple ways to incorporate life goals into everyday living.
•   make the most of the years they have together.

Lara’s book is available here for just $10, but I’m also giving y’all a chance to win a free PDF download simply by leaving a comment. Here’s what I want to know: If you could only pick one place to travel before you died, where would you go?

Comments are open until this Saturday at 6:00pm. I’ll use random.org to pick a winner and announce it in the comments section.

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Why I’m using a midwife instead of a doctor

by Lesley on May 13, 2013 · 7 comments

in babies

When I got pregnant with Anna I was a ~~neurotic~~ typical first time mom when it came to finding the right prenatal care provider.

Even though a few of my friends had great experiences with midwives, I didn’t understand the allure. In fact, I never considered anything other than a standard hospital delivery with a physician. I did lots of research on local doctors and asked friends for their personal recommendations, which is how I eventually found Dr. H. She saw me every single appointment, patiently answered questions, and never treated me like a clinical case. Even though Dr. H wasn’t on call during my labor, she still showed up at 4:00am for the delivery. When I thanked her profusely for being present at the birth she said she liked delivering her own patients so much that she bought a home only minutes from the hospital to make it easier. Whoa.

As context, I’ve been told it’s somewhat of an anomaly these days to find a physician like Dr. H. But, since Anna’s prenatal care was fantastic I still didn’t understand the argument for using a midwife, delivering at a birthing center, or even trying a home birth.

Then our insurance changed and I couldn’t see Dr. H anymore. Within the first few weeks of my second pregnancy I began to understand why some women would rather see a midwife over a doctor.

Without going into all the specifics, I had difficulty getting appointments with the doctor I wanted to see; I was assigned to a different person for my first four appointments; and I dealt with multiple cancelled appointments. None of the doctors or nurses wanted to discuss my last pregnancy or delivery, saying such information wasn’t important for them to know. One person did ask how long I breastfed Anna, and then lectured it wasn’t long enough. (Almost 11 months? Um, I beg to differ.) At one point I began researching birthing centers. Jonathan knew better than to argue.

I realize the issues I’m describing are first-world problems. I am blessed to have medical insurance, and I’m grateful to live in a country where my baby will be delivered by skilled, trained hands in a clean and safe setting. But, I also think it’s tragic when pregnant women are treated like a number or a textbook medical case. We are unique creatures, growing unique babies. And once I started comparing Anna’s prenatal care to this baby’s prenatal care, I realized why so many women choose midwives over doctors.

Something needed to change, so at Sharon’s encouragement I began seeing her midwife when I was 16 weeks pregnant. (We have the same insurance provider, and our insurance has midwives in their practice.) I knew Jennifer was fantastic almost immediately. Unlike the other people I’d seen in the prior weeks, she actually asked about my first pregnancy and delivery. At each appointment since she has greeted Jonathan and I by name, looks us in the eye and asks how I’m feeling. Jennifer encourages (and leaves time for) questions. We never feel rushed.

When I compare the care I’m receiving now to Anna’s prenatal care, I see very little differences. Both Dr. H and Jennifer want to know their patients, show up consistently for appointments, and take time to answer questions. A lot of women are growing convinced that midwives can provide more individualized care than doctors. And while I can’t entirely agree, I can’t disagree either. I’m simply thankful I have options to see someone who cares about me and my baby.

When it comes to prenatal care, here’s what I’ve realized about myself:

I don’t need to feel like a princess, but I would like to be greeted by name when I show up for appointments.
I don’t need to be coddled, but I would like to be assured my opinions and questions matter.
I don’t need to see the same person every single appointment, but I don’t want to see a different person every single time.

When it comes to prenatal care, here’s my opinion on the doctor versus midwife debate:

To each her own.
Don’t settle for a provider that treats you like a number.
Know it’s possible to receive incredible care from both doctors and midwives–but you have to do your research, and speak up.

Have you had any experiences similar to mine when it comes to your prenatal care?

Also, from Babycenter.com: Doctor of midwife: Which is right for you?

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Mother’s Day Roundup

by Lesley on May 10, 2013 · 2 comments

in motherhood

A round-up of the web’s best posts about MOTHERS in honor of Mother’s Day this Sunday…

So God Made a Mother: ”Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor. Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the taillights were out of sight and still be smiling brave. So God made a mother.”

What Your Wife Really Wants For Mother’s Day: ”She wants a new kind of year. A new kind of perspective that celebrates all of who she is. Not just as a mother, but as a gifted and necessary member of the body of Christ. And men, that can’t just be a perspective shift for her—it has to come from you too.”

Dear Mom, Thanks for Rocking Those Gigantic Varicose Veins Which I Caused ”Finding a Mother’s Day card that honestly addresses the complexities of motherhood is unexpectedly difficult. This year’s choices include a cheesy “Wind Beneath My Wings” tribute complete with Bette Midler audio track…”

For the Person Who Struggles on Mother’s Day : “On this day, when she is honored for being a mother, beside her there is no child, no card in the mail, no “Happy Mother’s Day” from his lips, no flowers delivered to her doorstep.”

To be a Mother, To be a Daughter : “I love the scene… in which Ruthie stopped trying to fix Hannah, and just … touched her gently on the back, like she used to when Hannah was little. That moment of communion between a mother and her child opened the floodgates of Hannah’s heart, and revealed things to Ruthie that she had not known…”

An Open Letter to Pastors (A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother’s Day): “Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.”

From my own writing archives:

All the Good Things In Life I Learned From My Mom

What My Mom Taught Me While Pushing a Car

A Mother’s Prayer for Her Baby Girl

Dear Mom of a Newborn

And a few last minute gift ideas for moms:

Clean her house, or get her a gift certificate to have it cleaned

Tickets to see a play or concert together

For moms of toddlers: The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting. This book just came out, and if it’s anything like the blog, I’m sure I’ll chuckle through the entire thing.

For moms of young children: time to herself on Mother’s Day

For moms of older/grown children: quality time together as a family on Mother’s Day (but don’t make her plan it!)

To my own mom: I love you, I appreciate you, and I wish I was seeing you on Sunday. I miss you.

{photo credit to Kelli Jane Photography, taken with my mom and grandma (Amie) when Anna was 6 days old.}

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Step 2: Get an agent

by Lesley on May 8, 2013 · 25 comments

in writing

Writing can be a lonely journey at times. I suspect this is why so many writers keep a blog. While our journals and Mac word documents are certainly safer and more forgiving, sometimes we need others’ affirmation to keep going.

I’ve told this to you before, but I’m going to say it again: thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to return to this space where I create and publish very raw and un-edited material. Knowing you’re out there keeps me disciplined, and gives me motivation to keep writing.

Because of your love and support, I’m really excited to let you in on some exciting news in my writing career. Some of you know I’ve been working diligently on my book and book proposal since late last summer. (Although I never technically wrote a post about “Step 1″ of the book writing journey, I mentioned my little writing retreat last October as a key weekend for jumping into the book proposal process. From October-February I spent oodles of time writing and editing the proposal until it seemed ready to go.) After doing a lot of research on literary agents, I sent the proposal out to six people on March 1. And then I waited.

And then, drumroll, earlier this week I signed with a literary agent who will help get my book proposal into publishers’ hands! And, I’m thrilled about who I’ll be working with. Chris was a top choice when I sent out proposals in early March, but I waited almost 8 weeks to hear back from him. I was about to move forward with another agent when Chris contacted me. Talk about perfect timing!

Besides the fact that Chris has worked with some fantastic authors, he also knows more about cancer than the average Joe. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months before Jonathan. Needless to say, I don’t think I could have found an agent who better understands our cancer journey than one who has walked through it recently in a similar way I have.

If all goes according to plan, I’ll have the proposal and sample chapters finalized before baby boy’s arrival so that Chris can look for a publisher while I learn how to take care of two kiddos. I’m not sure yet how much editing needs to happen but it will certainly get priority over my blogging and nesting. Please forgive me if this space isn’t updated as frequently as you’re used to in the upcoming months.

I have big hopes that with Chris’ help, we can find a publisher sometime by early fall 2013. Signing with an agent is definitely a good sign my dream can happen, but nothing is certain. I appreciate your prayers as I edit the proposal and sample chapters, and as we move forward to this next step. I’m not sure what God’s ultimate plan is for this book or my writing career, but I’m having a ton of fun following Him through the process.

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Waiting for Baby

by Lesley on May 6, 2013 · 8 comments

in motherhood

I haven’t blogged much about this second baby of ours…so I thought it was about time to get some of my rambling thoughts down before he’s here in our arms!

In ten short weeks, give or take, I will become mama again to another sweet baby. He’s already captured my heart and bruised my ribs, the first being big enough to cover the second.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how this pregnancy is so different than my first.

There are physical differences of course—like carrying bigger because all my muscles are already stretched out and feeling more nausea during the first trimester than I did with Anna. As my body grows and changes I constantly find myself saying, “Ohhhh, I remember this!” or “Hmmm…don’t think THIS happened with Anna.”

But the main difference this time around is less what I’m noticing physically and more the state of my heart and mind.

Before Anna arrived, anxiety outweighed love and the unknown distracted us from the present. I’m calmer, happier and more excited in these fleeting last weeks than I was with her.

Mostly I am just grateful to be pregnant again, even on the days I feel big and uncomfortable, because I think back to that October day in 2011 when he told me it was cancer, and I wondered if she’d be my only one.

I am so thankful she will be a big sister to a little boy who came from a man that fought so hard to continue being a daddy.

During Anna’s pregnancy we moved, tackled a kitchen remodel, attended showers and conquered lots of nursery prep. Jonathan and I agonized over car seat choices, read parenting books and took birthing classes. There was so much to do! For this baby? Until just a few weeks ago all I’d done was show up for monthly midwife appointments. I don’t need all those books, showers and nursery plans to feel ready.

This is not to say I don’t have some hesitations about becoming the mama of two—I know life is about to get even busier—but I welcome the challenge knowing it arrives with enough love to cover hard days.

…I am no longer afraid when people say, “Just wait until…” (We survived cancer during Anna’s first year of life. Can adding a second baby to our lives really be worse than that?)

…I’m no longer nervous about how labor and delivery will go. (He’ll come out eventually!)…

…And, I’m no longer anxious about which sleep technique will or won’t work. (We’ll be tired, this is true, but it’s not going to kill us.)

This time around, I’m enjoying the simple things more. Instead of being distracted by a kitchen remodel and nursery plans, I’m taking time to find him a sweet and soft going home outfit. (Anna wore a $4 Walmart onesie because I was trying to be low-key and practical. Isn’t that kind of funny?) I also just bought a navy chevron stroller blanket and some of my favorite burp cloths, which are already washed and put away in his drawer. These little purchases might seem like very normal things to do in welcoming a baby, but I didn’t appreciate this ritual of preparation during my first pregnancy like I am now.

The midwife I’m seeing doesn’t think there’s any reason to believe this baby will come early like Anna did. But I plan to be prepared for his arrival even before the due date, just in case. As my organizing instincts kick-in—and oh they are!— I will keep focusing on the love I have for him… a love that comes from my love for his daddy, my love for his sister, and my love from our heavenly God.